The Biggest Problem With Roomates

Specifically, roomates that you must share a bedroom with. You see, I have no time whatsoever to masturbate these days, because there is ALWAYS SOMEONE NEXT TO ME! He has plain view of my computer screen, and plain view of my trousers. It just doesn't work.

Some might say it's no big deal to jerk it while your roomate is sleeping. If you are one of those people saying that, you're fucking weird. I had a roomate in college that watched porn while I tried to sleep. Luckily, he never started playing with his man-toy, but if he did, I would have thrown his ass out the door.

I just think it's courteous to refrain from shuddering orgasms when people are trying to get some shuteye is all. Anyway, I like masturbating. If I'm alone and bored, I would probably do it three or four times in a normal week. Nowadays, I do it almost zero times a week. (Sexings are a different story, and that is on average once a week, because getting in the mood at a normal time (When the lady friend that is willing to put my wang in our mouth is awake and willing) and wanting some two-person action just doesn't always line up properly.)

Zero, that is, until I rediscovered PSP porn. Yes, the Playstation Portable, in conjunction with PSP Video 9 (Video conversion software) and a few websites that allow downloading of porn clips, can be a means of arousal in the privacy of one's bathroom.

So now, when I get in the mood, I can just discreetly start listening to music on the PSP, then stick it in my pocket and head for the bathroom. Flip to the porn, flop out the dick, cup the balls, work the shaft, etc. done and done. (If you want motivation to clean any bathroom fixtures or accessories, jizz on it. Then you HAVE to clean it up to prevent your housemates from leaning of your filthy filthy habit.)

There are only a few minor problems with this. For one, the PSP screen is way too small. Breasts are like dots that somewhat amorphously bounce to sexual rhythms and cocks are only a pixel wide at times. Occasionally too, if I don't have some high quality stuff to convert, I get blocky grainy bodies doing the nasty, and I can't tell if I'm getting off looking at two girls licking each other or two dudes. I end up having to imagine what I want to see instead of what I am seeing, and then I start asking myself why I bothered sneaking my PSP into the bathroom anyway if I'm just going to use my imagination to speed up the rate of my climax, cause really, I only watch the porn to waste less time having sex with myself (I can save five minutes if I have something to look at while I go underhand. Three if overhand.).

Speaking of overhand vs. underhand, I was demonstrating and discussing masturbation with L, my current sexytime companion that I live with. Going overhand is nice sometimes, because the natural curvature of the fingers when clenched around a penis, allows for more stimulation. You see, if you make a circle with your fingers (like you are looking through your hands, pretending they are binoculars), and then stick your johnson through it, each finger hole starts small, and as you thrust through, it has to open up to allow the head entry. This gives stimulation to the entire glans head, tip to crown (for us circumcised gentleman. Can't say for your natural-born man-pistons.) and both entry and exit during the cycle of thrust. When using underhand, you don't quite get the same stimulation, because the middle and index fingers don't naturally close in the same way as the ring and pinky fingers. So it's like pushing into a vagina, but pulling out of a paper towel roll, that kinda feels good. There just isn't the same stimulation on the helmet. Going in is from tip to crown, coming out is all crown.

There is a downside to overhand though. Dexterity. I was playing with a Mexican children's toy the other day (You perverts) which is basically a version of ball in the cup that some people play with today (sick perverts.). (I say it was a Mexican children's toy because it was painted red and green and the girl that let me play with her stick and ball (perverts)was of Latin descent. I really don't know and I might be racist.(I'm not)) The main difference is that Mexican parents enjoy torturing their kids or something, because this is like the Anti-Christ of ball in the cup games. You hold a little dowel, about 6 inches long and half an inch wide (That's about 13 cm by 1 cm for those of you that hate America.) that has an attached string that connects to a big wooden ball, with a 1/2 inch hole in it. What you do is hold the stick in your hand, and fling the wooden ball up onto the stick, connecting the two holes. It's more difficult than it sounds.

The way this relates to masturbation: You get one point for holding the stick upright in your hand, the way you would hold a glass of water, or a gun, or a wang in the underhand position.

You get FIFTY points for holding it with your arm twisted upside down, the way you would hold, say, a glass of water you were pouring out, a gun upside down, or a phallus in the overhand position.

I'm slightly off track. What I'm trying to say is that masturbating in the overhand position feels good because it covers more surface area, but you don't have the same degree of control or speed than you do in underhand because it uses different muscles. (Overhand utilizes the triceps more, which are not developed for small motor skills, but rather large ones, like punching the shit out of things. Underhand uses various muscles in your torso, such as your pectoral and lateral muscles, in conjunction with the bicep.) Suffice it to say, overhand is like a fine wine. Smooth, sensual, particular. Underhand is like fast food. Cheap and gets the job done nicely.

I like to change it up a bit, but underhand is usually my preferred method of masturbation.

Come to think of it, I believe I would pay to see a girl masturbate underhanded... Think about it for a second...