Intimacy and sexuality

Making love? or just fucking?

The lines tend to blur I've found. In fact, I've found them blur during the course of action. It's interesting, looking back at the sex from the day before, analyzing how I acted, how R acted, how I felt.

Take last night. I had every intention of just fucking. We took a shower, fooled around, touched each other all over, got in the mood. Once we started having actual sex, it started out more selfish in a way, best I can tell. Then it turned more intimate, more about how we both felt, then it ended when I could no longer maintain my erection (22 with ED. What a ripoff.).

R and I have worked it out, so I didn't feel bad about not being able to keep it up. We went on with more of a mutual masturbation thing that, for me at least, started out more intimate, and ended more as a selfish aim for pleasure.

Because of our differing schedules, R and I are rarely on the exact same page when it comes to our sexual moods and appetites. When I get up in the day, she's already been up for awhile. She's generally more aroused than I am, and it takes me awhile to want to be physical. Then, when I'm ready for bed, I'm very horny, and she's usually asleep. I think we do a really good job of staying romantic and intimate, but it'll be interesting to see how things progress when I have a job in the daytime and a libido that more closely resembles hers. Perhaps the difference between lovemaking and fucking will be more apparent, or maybe the lines will blur even more. Perhaps there is no pure lovemaking, due to our instinctual desire to eventually have an orgasm.

Somehow I don't think it works the other way around though. Are all acts of sex in some way lovemaking? Or are they all just fucking at the core, sometimes with the love and sensitivity attached?

A guy at work the other night asked me to set him up, half-jokingly, I think. When I mentioned he had a wife, he said, "Why does everyone think that just because I have a wife that I'm not interested in having sex with other people?" and he went on to explain that monogamy is not natural.

So then I wonder, what part of the sex is the cheating and betrayal? Is it the possibility that you might have some feeling of love for a second person the cheating part? or is it the simple fucking that is the betrayal?

That opens up a whole new can of worms though, since you can have a feeling of love for many people, and just not show it sexually, though you may want to.

Then the act of mere fucking without emotion means there has to be at least some physical attraction, right? If not, why not just just masturbate? If you're going to cheat, would it be better to cheat with someone you like/love or hate?

I'm totally rambling now. Relationships are tricky, because people are tricky. They're very rewarding though. At least, I think so.